full transcript

From the Ted Talk by WorkLife with Adam Grant: Bonus Relationships at work with Esther Perel

Unscramble the Blue Letters


AG: This was such a surprise to me when Rachel captured this. I had always thought of transparency as a driver of trust, right? So if you want somebody to have positive expectations about your behavior, if you want them to be comfortable being vulnerable with you, then you shouldn't hide anything from them. And then Rachel said, "Wait a minute, If you trust me, you don't need to know what I'm hiidng."

AG: And oh, that is a big frameshift.

EP: So I looked at it developmentally. I tried to apply it, and I tuhoght of it actually, where does this concept come from? And I don't know where she rooted it, but for me, it was -- you know, around eight months, the kid tekas a little object and they drop it. And for the first time they realize that this object cetnionus to exist, even when they don't see it. And then there is that game where they pick it up, they throw it, you pick it up, they throw it, and they develop this thing called ojbect constancy. Object costcnnay then leads to people constancy, and it's peekaboo. Peekaboo means that even when I don't see you, you're still there, and even though you're not seeing me, I'm still there. And it becomes the foundation, against the fear of abandonment. It is the foundation of trsut. You will eisxt inside of me when you're not there, and I exist inside of you when I am not there. And therefore, I don't need to check on you because I can trust you. I know you will come back, et cetera, et cetera. And I think the dlmpteoevnael roots of that idea that she presents are very strong.

Open Cloze


AG: This was such a surprise to me when Rachel captured this. I had always thought of transparency as a driver of trust, right? So if you want somebody to have positive expectations about your behavior, if you want them to be comfortable being vulnerable with you, then you shouldn't hide anything from them. And then Rachel said, "Wait a minute, If you trust me, you don't need to know what I'm ______."

AG: And oh, that is a big frameshift.

EP: So I looked at it developmentally. I tried to apply it, and I _______ of it actually, where does this concept come from? And I don't know where she rooted it, but for me, it was -- you know, around eight months, the kid _____ a little object and they drop it. And for the first time they realize that this object _________ to exist, even when they don't see it. And then there is that game where they pick it up, they throw it, you pick it up, they throw it, and they develop this thing called ______ constancy. Object _________ then leads to people constancy, and it's peekaboo. Peekaboo means that even when I don't see you, you're still there, and even though you're not seeing me, I'm still there. And it becomes the foundation, against the fear of abandonment. It is the foundation of _____. You will _____ inside of me when you're not there, and I exist inside of you when I am not there. And therefore, I don't need to check on you because I can trust you. I know you will come back, et cetera, et cetera. And I think the _____________ roots of that idea that she presents are very strong.

Solution


  1. hiding
  2. object
  3. developmental
  4. trust
  5. constancy
  6. thought
  7. exist
  8. takes
  9. continues

Original Text


AG: This was such a surprise to me when Rachel captured this. I had always thought of transparency as a driver of trust, right? So if you want somebody to have positive expectations about your behavior, if you want them to be comfortable being vulnerable with you, then you shouldn't hide anything from them. And then Rachel said, "Wait a minute, If you trust me, you don't need to know what I'm hiding."

AG: And oh, that is a big frameshift.

EP: So I looked at it developmentally. I tried to apply it, and I thought of it actually, where does this concept come from? And I don't know where she rooted it, but for me, it was -- you know, around eight months, the kid takes a little object and they drop it. And for the first time they realize that this object continues to exist, even when they don't see it. And then there is that game where they pick it up, they throw it, you pick it up, they throw it, and they develop this thing called object constancy. Object constancy then leads to people constancy, and it's peekaboo. Peekaboo means that even when I don't see you, you're still there, and even though you're not seeing me, I'm still there. And it becomes the foundation, against the fear of abandonment. It is the foundation of trust. You will exist inside of me when you're not there, and I exist inside of you when I am not there. And therefore, I don't need to check on you because I can trust you. I know you will come back, et cetera, et cetera. And I think the developmental roots of that idea that she presents are very strong.

Frequently Occurring Word Combinations


ngrams of length 2

collocation frequency
people pleaser 5
bonus episode 2
professional relationships 2
adam grant 2
organizational psychologist 2
work relationships 2
foundational truth 2
people decide 2
power dynamic 2
positive expectations 2
transparency leads 2
object constancy 2
trust repair 2
eyes open 2
comic books 2
people find 2
sad state 2
tough love 2
susan dominus 2
work today 2
people leave 2
give people 2
heard people 2
work spouse 2


Important Words


  1. abandonment
  2. apply
  3. behavior
  4. big
  5. called
  6. captured
  7. cetera
  8. check
  9. comfortable
  10. concept
  11. constancy
  12. continues
  13. develop
  14. developmental
  15. developmentally
  16. driver
  17. drop
  18. exist
  19. expectations
  20. fear
  21. foundation
  22. frameshift
  23. game
  24. hide
  25. hiding
  26. idea
  27. kid
  28. leads
  29. looked
  30. means
  31. minute
  32. months
  33. object
  34. peekaboo
  35. people
  36. pick
  37. positive
  38. presents
  39. rachel
  40. realize
  41. rooted
  42. roots
  43. strong
  44. surprise
  45. takes
  46. thought
  47. throw
  48. time
  49. transparency
  50. trust
  51. vulnerable