full transcript
From the Ted Talk by Loretta J. Ross: Don't call people out -- call them in
Unscramble the Blue Letters
I believe that it's very possible to use these steaigtres, so I'm going to tell you about my ulcne fnrak. He ain’t really my uncle but, you know, he's still living so I can't call him out. Anyway. He came to a family reunion and dedecid to talk about Mexican Americans stealing jobs. And everybody had been chatting and eating quite hplpaiy till his racism silenced the room. Most people buried their faces in their plate, because this was Uncle Frank. This is what he does. But I decided to ropnesd, but not with aegnr. I kind of oegiznard a few comments and asked him a question. "Uncle Frank, I know you. I love you. I respect you. And what I know about you is that you'd run into a burning building and save somebody if you could. And you wouldn't care what race that person is, you wouldn't care whether they were gay or an immigrant. So, Uncle Frank, that's the man I love and respect. So tell me: How can I reconcile that good Uncle Frank that I know you are with the words that just came out of your mouth?" You haven't celald him in. You haven't called him out. You called on him to decide how he's going to be. And with this approach, he's less likely to become defensive, because you haven't actually attacked him. And while he's oziairnngg what to say, you've affirmed that he has options about how he wants to be, especially in his niece's eyes and his family's eyes. But most importantly, the third thing you've aevhceid is that you did not let his bitorgy go unchallenged, and that was witnessed by the entire family: how you stand up to bigotry at a family reunion without hate, argument and throwing over the table.
Open Cloze
I believe that it's very possible to use these __________, so I'm going to tell you about my _____ _____. He ain’t really my uncle but, you know, he's still living so I can't call him out. Anyway. He came to a family reunion and _______ to talk about Mexican Americans stealing jobs. And everybody had been chatting and eating quite _______ till his racism silenced the room. Most people buried their faces in their plate, because this was Uncle Frank. This is what he does. But I decided to _______, but not with _____. I kind of _________ a few comments and asked him a question. "Uncle Frank, I know you. I love you. I respect you. And what I know about you is that you'd run into a burning building and save somebody if you could. And you wouldn't care what race that person is, you wouldn't care whether they were gay or an immigrant. So, Uncle Frank, that's the man I love and respect. So tell me: How can I reconcile that good Uncle Frank that I know you are with the words that just came out of your mouth?" You haven't ______ him in. You haven't called him out. You called on him to decide how he's going to be. And with this approach, he's less likely to become defensive, because you haven't actually attacked him. And while he's __________ what to say, you've affirmed that he has options about how he wants to be, especially in his niece's eyes and his family's eyes. But most importantly, the third thing you've ________ is that you did not let his _______ go unchallenged, and that was witnessed by the entire family: how you stand up to bigotry at a family reunion without hate, argument and throwing over the table.
Solution
- bigotry
- anger
- achieved
- called
- organized
- decided
- happily
- organizing
- respond
- strategies
- uncle
- frank
Original Text
I believe that it's very possible to use these strategies, so I'm going to tell you about my Uncle Frank. He ain’t really my uncle but, you know, he's still living so I can't call him out. Anyway. He came to a family reunion and decided to talk about Mexican Americans stealing jobs. And everybody had been chatting and eating quite happily till his racism silenced the room. Most people buried their faces in their plate, because this was Uncle Frank. This is what he does. But I decided to respond, but not with anger. I kind of organized a few comments and asked him a question. "Uncle Frank, I know you. I love you. I respect you. And what I know about you is that you'd run into a burning building and save somebody if you could. And you wouldn't care what race that person is, you wouldn't care whether they were gay or an immigrant. So, Uncle Frank, that's the man I love and respect. So tell me: How can I reconcile that good Uncle Frank that I know you are with the words that just came out of your mouth?" You haven't called him in. You haven't called him out. You called on him to decide how he's going to be. And with this approach, he's less likely to become defensive, because you haven't actually attacked him. And while he's organizing what to say, you've affirmed that he has options about how he wants to be, especially in his niece's eyes and his family's eyes. But most importantly, the third thing you've achieved is that you did not let his bigotry go unchallenged, and that was witnessed by the entire family: how you stand up to bigotry at a family reunion without hate, argument and throwing over the table.
Frequently Occurring Word Combinations
ngrams of length 2
| collocation |
frequency |
| human rights |
4 |
| rights movement |
4 |
| uncle frank |
3 |
| civil rights |
2 |
| family reunion |
2 |
ngrams of length 3
| collocation |
frequency |
| human rights movement |
3 |
Important Words
- achieved
- affirmed
- americans
- anger
- approach
- argument
- asked
- attacked
- bigotry
- building
- buried
- burning
- call
- called
- care
- chatting
- comments
- decide
- decided
- defensive
- eating
- entire
- eyes
- faces
- family
- frank
- gay
- good
- happily
- hate
- immigrant
- importantly
- jobs
- kind
- living
- love
- man
- mexican
- mouth
- options
- organized
- organizing
- people
- person
- plate
- question
- race
- racism
- reconcile
- respect
- respond
- reunion
- room
- run
- save
- silenced
- stand
- stealing
- strategies
- table
- talk
- throwing
- unchallenged
- uncle
- witnessed
- words