full transcript

From the Ted Talk by TED-Ed: The best way to apologize (according to science)

Unscramble the Blue Letters


But what if your mistake wasn’t an adciecnt? Consider this: you peirmsod your friend Marie that you’ll attend her championship football mctah. But another friend just called to offer you an etrxa ticket for your favorite musician's farewell tour. You know this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and you can’t pass it up. Plus, you figure maire wouldn’t mind if you miss the game— she always has plenty of fans supporting her. But the next day, Marie tells you she was really hurt when she didn’t see you in the crowd.

You feel terrible for upsetting her and genuinely want to apologize. But while you reregt hurting Marie, you’re not actually sure if you made the wrong choice. So how can you reach beyond that trieblre non-apology, “I’m sorry YOU feel this way”? In situations like this, it can be easy to focus on rationalizing your actions when you should be working to understand the other person’s perspective. Consider asking Marie how you made them feel to better understand your offense. In this case, Marie might explain that she was dsiaptopined you broke your promise, and she was really counting on your support. This kind of clarity can help you recognize your wrongdoing and honestly accept how your actions caused harm. Then you can frame your apology around addressing her cnnrceos, perhaps by amdtnitig that it was wrong of you to baerk your promise, and you're sorry you weren't there for her.

Open Cloze


But what if your mistake wasn’t an ________? Consider this: you ________ your friend Marie that you’ll attend her championship football _____. But another friend just called to offer you an _____ ticket for your favorite musician's farewell tour. You know this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and you can’t pass it up. Plus, you figure _____ wouldn’t mind if you miss the game— she always has plenty of fans supporting her. But the next day, Marie tells you she was really hurt when she didn’t see you in the crowd.

You feel terrible for upsetting her and genuinely want to apologize. But while you ______ hurting Marie, you’re not actually sure if you made the wrong choice. So how can you reach beyond that ________ non-apology, “I’m sorry YOU feel this way”? In situations like this, it can be easy to focus on rationalizing your actions when you should be working to understand the other person’s perspective. Consider asking Marie how you made them feel to better understand your offense. In this case, Marie might explain that she was ____________ you broke your promise, and she was really counting on your support. This kind of clarity can help you recognize your wrongdoing and honestly accept how your actions caused harm. Then you can frame your apology around addressing her ________, perhaps by _________ that it was wrong of you to _____ your promise, and you're sorry you weren't there for her.

Solution


  1. regret
  2. concerns
  3. accident
  4. promised
  5. extra
  6. disappointed
  7. break
  8. terrible
  9. match
  10. admitting
  11. marie

Original Text


But what if your mistake wasn’t an accident? Consider this: you promised your friend Marie that you’ll attend her championship football match. But another friend just called to offer you an extra ticket for your favorite musician's farewell tour. You know this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and you can’t pass it up. Plus, you figure Marie wouldn’t mind if you miss the game— she always has plenty of fans supporting her. But the next day, Marie tells you she was really hurt when she didn’t see you in the crowd.

You feel terrible for upsetting her and genuinely want to apologize. But while you regret hurting Marie, you’re not actually sure if you made the wrong choice. So how can you reach beyond that terrible non-apology, “I’m sorry YOU feel this way”? In situations like this, it can be easy to focus on rationalizing your actions when you should be working to understand the other person’s perspective. Consider asking Marie how you made them feel to better understand your offense. In this case, Marie might explain that she was disappointed you broke your promise, and she was really counting on your support. This kind of clarity can help you recognize your wrongdoing and honestly accept how your actions caused harm. Then you can frame your apology around addressing her concerns, perhaps by admitting that it was wrong of you to break your promise, and you're sorry you weren't there for her.

Frequently Occurring Word Combinations


ngrams of length 2

collocation frequency
ice cream 3
researchers call 2
good apology 2


Important Words


  1. accept
  2. accident
  3. actions
  4. addressing
  5. admitting
  6. apologize
  7. apology
  8. attend
  9. break
  10. broke
  11. called
  12. case
  13. caused
  14. championship
  15. chance
  16. choice
  17. clarity
  18. concerns
  19. counting
  20. crowd
  21. day
  22. disappointed
  23. easy
  24. explain
  25. extra
  26. fans
  27. farewell
  28. favorite
  29. feel
  30. figure
  31. focus
  32. football
  33. frame
  34. friend
  35. genuinely
  36. harm
  37. honestly
  38. hurt
  39. hurting
  40. kind
  41. marie
  42. match
  43. mind
  44. mistake
  45. offense
  46. offer
  47. pass
  48. perspective
  49. plenty
  50. promise
  51. promised
  52. rationalizing
  53. reach
  54. recognize
  55. regret
  56. situations
  57. support
  58. supporting
  59. tells
  60. terrible
  61. ticket
  62. tour
  63. understand
  64. upsetting
  65. working
  66. wrong
  67. wrongdoing