full transcript
From the Ted Talk by Emily Nagoski: The keys to a happier, healthier sex life
Unscramble the Blue Letters
(Exhales deeply) Today, right? Please join me in one big, deep breath before we dive into talking about sex. (Laughter) Just one big, slow, deep berath in. (Inhales) And a big, slow, deep breath out. (Exhales) OK, now let's talk about sex. So yes, my name is Emily. I am a sex educator. It's the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010, I taught a class called "Women's Sexuality" at stmih College. It was a 100-level, introductory-level casls, but I shoehorned in all the science I could, all the psychophysiology and all the neuroscience and even - God forbid - all the sociology, and at the end of this really intense sesteemr, I aksed my students to write down just one really important thing that they had leneard. This is what they said: "I'm normal." "I am normal." "Just because my sexuality is not the same as other women's, that does not make me abnormal." "Everything is normal. Bringing joy and confidence to sex." "I learned that everything is normal, mknaig it possible for me to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy." 187 students I had in that class, and more than half of them worte something along the lines of ... "I'm normal." So I sat in my ofcfie, and I read those responses with tears in my eyes. There was something enitseasl to my students about feeling naorml, and somehow my class had ukneclod the door to that feeling. Moments like that are why I'm a sex educator; it's why I'm here. I mean, it's why I'm here in Nevada, but it's why I'm here: to give everyone on Earth an experience like the one my students had, of unlocking the door to their own authentic sexual well-being. So that's what I'm going to do with you guys today. (Laughter) Because it turns out, we all really are ... normal. The science says so. I can prove it! Are you raedy? Let's do it! OK! (Inhales deeply) The mechanism in your brain that controls sexual response is the "dual control model." The dual control moedl - that manes there's how many prtas? Two! Thank you! And if I tell you the first part is the sexual accelerator or the "gas pdeal," that means the second part has to be the ... ? Brake! They don't let just anybody into these TED Talks. (Laughter) So, the sexual accelerator ntieocs all the sexually-relevant information in the eonnrminevt, everything you see, hear, sleml, touch, taste or iniamge, that your brain codes as sexually relevant, and it sends the signal that says "Turn on." And it is functioning at a low level all the time, including right now, just the fact that we're talking about sex is a little bit sexually reanevlt. At the same time that that's happening, in parallel, your bkrae is noticing all the very good reasons not to be terund on right now. This is everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine that your brain coeds as a potential threat. And it sends a signal that says "Turn off." So the process of becoming aroused is the dual process of turning on the ons and turning off the offs. Usually when pepole struggle with their sexual well-being, it's because - sometimes there's not enough stimulation to the gas pedal, but more often, it's because there's too much stimulation to the brake, and all kinds of things can hit the brake. Like: Are you worried about unwanted pgrecnnay? Are you worried about your kids walking in, in the mdilde? Are you really sure that your partner loves your sexy body? Are you really sure that you love your sexy body? Did you spend the first two decades of your life in a culture that taught you that sex is dngrueaos, dtsuniigsg and dirty? That's going to hit the brake, right? (Laughter) So the first thing science tells us to do when we're struggling with our sexual functioning, when we want to access our own authentic sexual well-being, is to start to think through: What are things that hit our accelerator? What are the things that hit our brake? And especially, what are some strategies that we can use in order to mimsinie the things that are hitting the brake? I'm going to talk about two such evidence-based seritategs at the end of the talk. But before I do that, I need to come clean with you about something, which is that all that stuff I just said isn't anywhere near as simple as I made it sound. Sorry. To explain what I mean, I'll tell you about the only affective neuroscience that has ever made me laugh out loud. OK. So I need you to imagine that you're a lab rat. You're a very svvay, experienced lab rat and the researchers have inserted a probe into your nucleus accumbens, a little, sort of jellybean-shaped thing in the middle of your eaoimntol brain. It's a peslians procedure, the researchers are clear to say. Plink! So you're this sort of semi-remote-controlled bionic rat, and you're in a three-chambered box, here you are in box #1 - just the ordinary lab environment - there's a bit of niose, the lights are on, but it's fine, you're good at this. So when the rhcereesars zap the front of your nucleus acnmcebus, here's what you do: Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! So these are approach, minvog toward, cuiours behovrias, right? Ooh! What's that? And then, in this ordinary lab environment - the first box - when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, you do this: aaah, what the hell is that!? You're kicking up dust in the face of the predator. These are stress, avoidance, dread responses, right? Moving away as opposed to moving towards. Hit the fornt? Ooh..! What's that? Hit the back? What the hell is that!? Got that? (Laughter) That's box #1. So we move into box #2. Now box #2 is snilet, and it's dark, and it smells like your mother. (laghteur) It is ... I call it the "Rat Spa." It's the most peaceful, calm state of mind you can imagine being in, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! And then, when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, What do they do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? When you're in a calm, relaxed, peaceful state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something that should be approached with citisruoy. Even stimulation that in a different context, it might interpret as a paietntol threat to be moved away from. But wait ... There's more! (Laughter) We move to box #3. So, here in box #3, the lgtihs are on really bright, music's paeyld at different volumes, you can't even get used to it, they specify in the research paper - this made me laugh out loud - they specify they're playing Iggy Pop. So ... (Laughter) Imagine "Lust for Life" is payinlg at lots of different volumes, you can't get used to it, you're an introverted bookworm in the worst nightclub in the world, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Aah..! What the hell is that!? Exactly! They don't let just anybody into these talks, that's amazing! So, when you are in a stressed-out, threatened state of mind, your bairn will interpret almost any sensation as something to be avoided, as a potential threat - even silmotauitn that in a different context, it might've interpreted as something to be approached with curiosity. All of which is a really nerdy way of dsbiicerng a thing all of us have experienced in the form of tincklig. (Laughter) Because, you know, tickling is not everyone's favorite, that's fair, I understand, but at least hypothetically, you can imagine a world where you're in a sexy, fun, flirty state of mind already, and your certain siepacl someone starts tickling on you, and it can feel fun and playful and potentially lead to further nooky, right? But if that exact same certain special someone tried to tlckie when you were pissed off at them, (Laughter) how would that feel? As one of my students recently put it: "Violence would shortly eunse." (Laughter) But the weird thing is, it's exactly the same sensation, but because the context is different, your brain interprets it entirely the opposite way. So when I say, "Turn on the ons, and turn off the offs," it's nowhere near as simple as just "Touch me here - don't touch me that way." What it means is, create a context that allows your brain to irenrpett the world as a pleasurable, safe, sexy plcae. For most people - again, people vary - but for most people, that context is low ssrtes, high affection and high trust. Those three things are hard enough to come by in the 21st century, but they are not actually the keys that unlock that door to your atheuitnc sexual well-being. Sorry! But this is the big monemt, right? This is when I - here they are. I've got this satin shiny pillow with tseslas and two keys lying on it. Right here: the keys to your authentic sexual well-being. Don't you want to know what they are? I will ealxpin. The first key says "confidence," and the second key says "joy." How do they work? What do you mean? Where do I get them? Confidence - Confidence comes from koinwng what is true about your body, your sexuality, your inarnetl experience. Knowing what's true. Knowing that you have a brake, for example, as well as an accelerator. Knowing that they're sensitive to context, knowing what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. Confidence is knowing what is true. Joy ... is loving what's true. Loving your brake as much as your accelerator, loving that they're sensitive to context, lvonig what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even - especially - if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. And I guarantee you, you're going to walk out of here with both keys in your pocket. I'm going to tell you specifically how to get your hands on them. But first, I need to talk to you about a cartoon panda. (Laughter) Have you seen the moive "Kung-fu Panda"? It's about a cartoon padna named Po; he becomes a kung-fu master - "Kung Fu Panda" - by diligent effort, the support of his teacher and the wisdom of the Dragon Scroll. The Dragon Scroll contains the key to limitless power! And when Po first gets his hands on the dogran Scroll he is ... disappointed because there's nothing written on it. It's blank. It just reflects his face. And then comes his epiphany: There is no secret ingredient. It's just ... you. And that is how you get your hands on the keys that uonlck the door to your own authentic saxeul well-being, by turning toward your own internal enrcpxeiee with calm curiosity. Ooh! What's that? Because it turns out the key to limitless peowr is you. And now I will tell you the two concrete, specific, evidence-based things that you can do in order to increase your grasp on these two keys of confidence and joy. Ready? Thing #1: What I want you to do is stand in front of a mriorr as colse to naked as you can tloterae. (Laughter) It gets worse! (Laughter) So what you're going to do is look at what you see there, and you're going to write down everything that you see that you like.
Open Cloze
(Exhales deeply) Today, right? Please join me in one big, deep breath before we dive into talking about sex. (Laughter) Just one big, slow, deep ______ in. (Inhales) And a big, slow, deep breath out. (Exhales) OK, now let's talk about sex. So yes, my name is Emily. I am a sex educator. It's the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010, I taught a class called "Women's Sexuality" at _____ College. It was a 100-level, introductory-level _____, but I shoehorned in all the science I could, all the psychophysiology and all the neuroscience and even - God forbid - all the sociology, and at the end of this really intense ________, I _____ my students to write down just one really important thing that they had _______. This is what they said: "I'm normal." "I am normal." "Just because my sexuality is not the same as other women's, that does not make me abnormal." "Everything is normal. Bringing joy and confidence to sex." "I learned that everything is normal, ______ it possible for me to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy." 187 students I had in that class, and more than half of them _____ something along the lines of ... "I'm normal." So I sat in my ______, and I read those responses with tears in my eyes. There was something _________ to my students about feeling ______, and somehow my class had ________ the door to that feeling. Moments like that are why I'm a sex educator; it's why I'm here. I mean, it's why I'm here in Nevada, but it's why I'm here: to give everyone on Earth an experience like the one my students had, of unlocking the door to their own authentic sexual well-being. So that's what I'm going to do with you guys today. (Laughter) Because it turns out, we all really are ... normal. The science says so. I can prove it! Are you _____? Let's do it! OK! (Inhales deeply) The mechanism in your brain that controls sexual response is the "dual control model." The dual control _____ - that _____ there's how many _____? Two! Thank you! And if I tell you the first part is the sexual accelerator or the "gas _____," that means the second part has to be the ... ? Brake! They don't let just anybody into these TED Talks. (Laughter) So, the sexual accelerator _______ all the sexually-relevant information in the ___________, everything you see, hear, _____, touch, taste or _______, that your brain codes as sexually relevant, and it sends the signal that says "Turn on." And it is functioning at a low level all the time, including right now, just the fact that we're talking about sex is a little bit sexually ________. At the same time that that's happening, in parallel, your _____ is noticing all the very good reasons not to be ______ on right now. This is everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine that your brain _____ as a potential threat. And it sends a signal that says "Turn off." So the process of becoming aroused is the dual process of turning on the ons and turning off the offs. Usually when ______ struggle with their sexual well-being, it's because - sometimes there's not enough stimulation to the gas pedal, but more often, it's because there's too much stimulation to the brake, and all kinds of things can hit the brake. Like: Are you worried about unwanted _________? Are you worried about your kids walking in, in the ______? Are you really sure that your partner loves your sexy body? Are you really sure that you love your sexy body? Did you spend the first two decades of your life in a culture that taught you that sex is _________, __________ and dirty? That's going to hit the brake, right? (Laughter) So the first thing science tells us to do when we're struggling with our sexual functioning, when we want to access our own authentic sexual well-being, is to start to think through: What are things that hit our accelerator? What are the things that hit our brake? And especially, what are some strategies that we can use in order to ________ the things that are hitting the brake? I'm going to talk about two such evidence-based __________ at the end of the talk. But before I do that, I need to come clean with you about something, which is that all that stuff I just said isn't anywhere near as simple as I made it sound. Sorry. To explain what I mean, I'll tell you about the only affective neuroscience that has ever made me laugh out loud. OK. So I need you to imagine that you're a lab rat. You're a very _____, experienced lab rat and the researchers have inserted a probe into your nucleus accumbens, a little, sort of jellybean-shaped thing in the middle of your _________ brain. It's a ________ procedure, the researchers are clear to say. Plink! So you're this sort of semi-remote-controlled bionic rat, and you're in a three-chambered box, here you are in box #1 - just the ordinary lab environment - there's a bit of _____, the lights are on, but it's fine, you're good at this. So when the ___________ zap the front of your nucleus _________, here's what you do: Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! So these are approach, ______ toward, _______ _________, right? Ooh! What's that? And then, in this ordinary lab environment - the first box - when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, you do this: aaah, what the hell is that!? You're kicking up dust in the face of the predator. These are stress, avoidance, dread responses, right? Moving away as opposed to moving towards. Hit the _____? Ooh..! What's that? Hit the back? What the hell is that!? Got that? (Laughter) That's box #1. So we move into box #2. Now box #2 is ______, and it's dark, and it smells like your mother. (________) It is ... I call it the "Rat Spa." It's the most peaceful, calm state of mind you can imagine being in, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! And then, when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, What do they do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? When you're in a calm, relaxed, peaceful state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something that should be approached with _________. Even stimulation that in a different context, it might interpret as a _________ threat to be moved away from. But wait ... There's more! (Laughter) We move to box #3. So, here in box #3, the ______ are on really bright, music's ______ at different volumes, you can't even get used to it, they specify in the research paper - this made me laugh out loud - they specify they're playing Iggy Pop. So ... (Laughter) Imagine "Lust for Life" is _______ at lots of different volumes, you can't get used to it, you're an introverted bookworm in the worst nightclub in the world, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Aah..! What the hell is that!? Exactly! They don't let just anybody into these talks, that's amazing! So, when you are in a stressed-out, threatened state of mind, your _____ will interpret almost any sensation as something to be avoided, as a potential threat - even ___________ that in a different context, it might've interpreted as something to be approached with curiosity. All of which is a really nerdy way of __________ a thing all of us have experienced in the form of ________. (Laughter) Because, you know, tickling is not everyone's favorite, that's fair, I understand, but at least hypothetically, you can imagine a world where you're in a sexy, fun, flirty state of mind already, and your certain _______ someone starts tickling on you, and it can feel fun and playful and potentially lead to further nooky, right? But if that exact same certain special someone tried to ______ when you were pissed off at them, (Laughter) how would that feel? As one of my students recently put it: "Violence would shortly _____." (Laughter) But the weird thing is, it's exactly the same sensation, but because the context is different, your brain interprets it entirely the opposite way. So when I say, "Turn on the ons, and turn off the offs," it's nowhere near as simple as just "Touch me here - don't touch me that way." What it means is, create a context that allows your brain to _________ the world as a pleasurable, safe, sexy _____. For most people - again, people vary - but for most people, that context is low ______, high affection and high trust. Those three things are hard enough to come by in the 21st century, but they are not actually the keys that unlock that door to your _________ sexual well-being. Sorry! But this is the big ______, right? This is when I - here they are. I've got this satin shiny pillow with _______ and two keys lying on it. Right here: the keys to your authentic sexual well-being. Don't you want to know what they are? I will _______. The first key says "confidence," and the second key says "joy." How do they work? What do you mean? Where do I get them? Confidence - Confidence comes from _______ what is true about your body, your sexuality, your ________ experience. Knowing what's true. Knowing that you have a brake, for example, as well as an accelerator. Knowing that they're sensitive to context, knowing what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. Confidence is knowing what is true. Joy ... is loving what's true. Loving your brake as much as your accelerator, loving that they're sensitive to context, ______ what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even - especially - if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. And I guarantee you, you're going to walk out of here with both keys in your pocket. I'm going to tell you specifically how to get your hands on them. But first, I need to talk to you about a cartoon panda. (Laughter) Have you seen the _____ "Kung-fu Panda"? It's about a cartoon _____ named Po; he becomes a kung-fu master - "Kung Fu Panda" - by diligent effort, the support of his teacher and the wisdom of the Dragon Scroll. The Dragon Scroll contains the key to limitless power! And when Po first gets his hands on the ______ Scroll he is ... disappointed because there's nothing written on it. It's blank. It just reflects his face. And then comes his epiphany: There is no secret ingredient. It's just ... you. And that is how you get your hands on the keys that ______ the door to your own authentic ______ well-being, by turning toward your own internal __________ with calm curiosity. Ooh! What's that? Because it turns out the key to limitless _____ is you. And now I will tell you the two concrete, specific, evidence-based things that you can do in order to increase your grasp on these two keys of confidence and joy. Ready? Thing #1: What I want you to do is stand in front of a ______ as _____ to naked as you can ________. (Laughter) It gets worse! (Laughter) So what you're going to do is look at what you see there, and you're going to write down everything that you see that you like.
Solution
- people
- savvy
- minimise
- panda
- strategies
- special
- breath
- experience
- played
- stimulation
- essential
- front
- making
- middle
- brain
- stress
- playing
- researchers
- painless
- behaviors
- loving
- movie
- interpret
- power
- brake
- office
- unlock
- mirror
- moment
- turned
- curiosity
- close
- ensue
- knowing
- model
- asked
- describing
- disgusting
- pedal
- normal
- dragon
- potential
- silent
- unlocked
- emotional
- accumbens
- ready
- relevant
- codes
- dangerous
- smith
- curious
- tolerate
- wrote
- learned
- tassels
- pregnancy
- internal
- environment
- place
- parts
- semester
- smell
- tickling
- notices
- laughter
- sexual
- class
- means
- moving
- authentic
- imagine
- tickle
- noise
- explain
- lights
Original Text
(Exhales deeply) Today, right? Please join me in one big, deep breath before we dive into talking about sex. (Laughter) Just one big, slow, deep breath in. (Inhales) And a big, slow, deep breath out. (Exhales) OK, now let's talk about sex. So yes, my name is Emily. I am a sex educator. It's the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010, I taught a class called "Women's Sexuality" at Smith College. It was a 100-level, introductory-level class, but I shoehorned in all the science I could, all the psychophysiology and all the neuroscience and even - God forbid - all the sociology, and at the end of this really intense semester, I asked my students to write down just one really important thing that they had learned. This is what they said: "I'm normal." "I am normal." "Just because my sexuality is not the same as other women's, that does not make me abnormal." "Everything is normal. Bringing joy and confidence to sex." "I learned that everything is normal, making it possible for me to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy." 187 students I had in that class, and more than half of them wrote something along the lines of ... "I'm normal." So I sat in my office, and I read those responses with tears in my eyes. There was something essential to my students about feeling normal, and somehow my class had unlocked the door to that feeling. Moments like that are why I'm a sex educator; it's why I'm here. I mean, it's why I'm here in Nevada, but it's why I'm here: to give everyone on Earth an experience like the one my students had, of unlocking the door to their own authentic sexual well-being. So that's what I'm going to do with you guys today. (Laughter) Because it turns out, we all really are ... normal. The science says so. I can prove it! Are you ready? Let's do it! OK! (Inhales deeply) The mechanism in your brain that controls sexual response is the "dual control model." The dual control model - that means there's how many parts? Two! Thank you! And if I tell you the first part is the sexual accelerator or the "gas pedal," that means the second part has to be the ... ? Brake! They don't let just anybody into these TED Talks. (Laughter) So, the sexual accelerator notices all the sexually-relevant information in the environment, everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine, that your brain codes as sexually relevant, and it sends the signal that says "Turn on." And it is functioning at a low level all the time, including right now, just the fact that we're talking about sex is a little bit sexually relevant. At the same time that that's happening, in parallel, your brake is noticing all the very good reasons not to be turned on right now. This is everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine that your brain codes as a potential threat. And it sends a signal that says "Turn off." So the process of becoming aroused is the dual process of turning on the ons and turning off the offs. Usually when people struggle with their sexual well-being, it's because - sometimes there's not enough stimulation to the gas pedal, but more often, it's because there's too much stimulation to the brake, and all kinds of things can hit the brake. Like: Are you worried about unwanted pregnancy? Are you worried about your kids walking in, in the middle? Are you really sure that your partner loves your sexy body? Are you really sure that you love your sexy body? Did you spend the first two decades of your life in a culture that taught you that sex is dangerous, disgusting and dirty? That's going to hit the brake, right? (Laughter) So the first thing science tells us to do when we're struggling with our sexual functioning, when we want to access our own authentic sexual well-being, is to start to think through: What are things that hit our accelerator? What are the things that hit our brake? And especially, what are some strategies that we can use in order to minimise the things that are hitting the brake? I'm going to talk about two such evidence-based strategies at the end of the talk. But before I do that, I need to come clean with you about something, which is that all that stuff I just said isn't anywhere near as simple as I made it sound. Sorry. To explain what I mean, I'll tell you about the only affective neuroscience that has ever made me laugh out loud. OK. So I need you to imagine that you're a lab rat. You're a very savvy, experienced lab rat and the researchers have inserted a probe into your nucleus accumbens, a little, sort of jellybean-shaped thing in the middle of your emotional brain. It's a painless procedure, the researchers are clear to say. Plink! So you're this sort of semi-remote-controlled bionic rat, and you're in a three-chambered box, here you are in box #1 - just the ordinary lab environment - there's a bit of noise, the lights are on, but it's fine, you're good at this. So when the researchers zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, here's what you do: Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! So these are approach, moving toward, curious behaviors, right? Ooh! What's that? And then, in this ordinary lab environment - the first box - when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, you do this: aaah, what the hell is that!? You're kicking up dust in the face of the predator. These are stress, avoidance, dread responses, right? Moving away as opposed to moving towards. Hit the front? Ooh..! What's that? Hit the back? What the hell is that!? Got that? (Laughter) That's box #1. So we move into box #2. Now box #2 is silent, and it's dark, and it smells like your mother. (Laughter) It is ... I call it the "Rat Spa." It's the most peaceful, calm state of mind you can imagine being in, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! And then, when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, What do they do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? When you're in a calm, relaxed, peaceful state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something that should be approached with curiosity. Even stimulation that in a different context, it might interpret as a potential threat to be moved away from. But wait ... There's more! (Laughter) We move to box #3. So, here in box #3, the lights are on really bright, music's played at different volumes, you can't even get used to it, they specify in the research paper - this made me laugh out loud - they specify they're playing Iggy Pop. So ... (Laughter) Imagine "Lust for Life" is playing at lots of different volumes, you can't get used to it, you're an introverted bookworm in the worst nightclub in the world, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Aah..! What the hell is that!? Exactly! They don't let just anybody into these talks, that's amazing! So, when you are in a stressed-out, threatened state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something to be avoided, as a potential threat - even stimulation that in a different context, it might've interpreted as something to be approached with curiosity. All of which is a really nerdy way of describing a thing all of us have experienced in the form of tickling. (Laughter) Because, you know, tickling is not everyone's favorite, that's fair, I understand, but at least hypothetically, you can imagine a world where you're in a sexy, fun, flirty state of mind already, and your certain special someone starts tickling on you, and it can feel fun and playful and potentially lead to further nooky, right? But if that exact same certain special someone tried to tickle when you were pissed off at them, (Laughter) how would that feel? As one of my students recently put it: "Violence would shortly ensue." (Laughter) But the weird thing is, it's exactly the same sensation, but because the context is different, your brain interprets it entirely the opposite way. So when I say, "Turn on the ons, and turn off the offs," it's nowhere near as simple as just "Touch me here - don't touch me that way." What it means is, create a context that allows your brain to interpret the world as a pleasurable, safe, sexy place. For most people - again, people vary - but for most people, that context is low stress, high affection and high trust. Those three things are hard enough to come by in the 21st century, but they are not actually the keys that unlock that door to your authentic sexual well-being. Sorry! But this is the big moment, right? This is when I - here they are. I've got this satin shiny pillow with tassels and two keys lying on it. Right here: the keys to your authentic sexual well-being. Don't you want to know what they are? I will explain. The first key says "confidence," and the second key says "joy." How do they work? What do you mean? Where do I get them? Confidence - Confidence comes from knowing what is true about your body, your sexuality, your internal experience. Knowing what's true. Knowing that you have a brake, for example, as well as an accelerator. Knowing that they're sensitive to context, knowing what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. Confidence is knowing what is true. Joy ... is loving what's true. Loving your brake as much as your accelerator, loving that they're sensitive to context, loving what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even - especially - if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. And I guarantee you, you're going to walk out of here with both keys in your pocket. I'm going to tell you specifically how to get your hands on them. But first, I need to talk to you about a cartoon panda. (Laughter) Have you seen the movie "Kung-fu Panda"? It's about a cartoon panda named Po; he becomes a kung-fu master - "Kung Fu Panda" - by diligent effort, the support of his teacher and the wisdom of the Dragon Scroll. The Dragon Scroll contains the key to limitless power! And when Po first gets his hands on the Dragon Scroll he is ... disappointed because there's nothing written on it. It's blank. It just reflects his face. And then comes his epiphany: There is no secret ingredient. It's just ... you. And that is how you get your hands on the keys that unlock the door to your own authentic sexual well-being, by turning toward your own internal experience with calm curiosity. Ooh! What's that? Because it turns out the key to limitless power is you. And now I will tell you the two concrete, specific, evidence-based things that you can do in order to increase your grasp on these two keys of confidence and joy. Ready? Thing #1: What I want you to do is stand in front of a mirror as close to naked as you can tolerate. (Laughter) It gets worse! (Laughter) So what you're going to do is look at what you see there, and you're going to write down everything that you see that you like.
Frequently Occurring Word Combinations
ngrams of length 2
collocation |
frequency |
authentic sexual |
6 |
deep breath |
3 |
potential threat |
3 |
internal experience |
3 |
dragon scroll |
3 |
sex educator |
2 |
sexual accelerator |
2 |
brain codes |
2 |
lab rat |
2 |
ordinary lab |
2 |
lab environment |
2 |
cartoon panda |
2 |
ngrams of length 3
collocation |
frequency |
ordinary lab environment |
2 |
Important Words
- aaah
- aah
- abnormal
- accelerator
- access
- accumbens
- affection
- affective
- approach
- approached
- aroused
- asked
- authentic
- avoidance
- avoided
- behaviors
- big
- bionic
- bit
- blank
- body
- bookworm
- box
- brain
- brake
- breath
- bright
- bringing
- call
- called
- calm
- cartoon
- century
- class
- clean
- clear
- close
- codes
- college
- concrete
- confidence
- context
- control
- controls
- create
- culture
- curiosity
- curious
- dangerous
- dark
- decades
- deep
- deeply
- describing
- diligent
- dirty
- disappointed
- disgusting
- dive
- door
- dragon
- dread
- dual
- dust
- earth
- educator
- effort
- emily
- emotional
- ensue
- environment
- essential
- exact
- exhales
- expect
- experience
- experienced
- explain
- eyes
- face
- fact
- fair
- fall
- favorite
- feel
- feeling
- fine
- flirty
- forbid
- form
- front
- fu
- fun
- functioning
- gas
- give
- god
- good
- grasp
- guarantee
- guys
- hands
- happening
- hard
- hear
- hell
- high
- hit
- hitting
- hypothetically
- iggy
- imagine
- important
- including
- increase
- information
- ingredient
- inhales
- inserted
- intense
- internal
- interpret
- interpreted
- interprets
- introverted
- job
- join
- joy
- key
- keys
- kicking
- kids
- kinds
- knowing
- lab
- laugh
- laughter
- lead
- learned
- level
- life
- lights
- limitless
- lines
- lots
- loud
- love
- loves
- loving
- lying
- making
- master
- means
- mechanism
- middle
- mind
- minimise
- mirror
- model
- moment
- moments
- mother
- move
- moved
- movie
- moving
- naked
- named
- nerdy
- neuroscience
- nevada
- nightclub
- noise
- nooky
- normal
- notices
- noticing
- nucleus
- office
- offs
- ons
- ooh
- opposed
- order
- ordinary
- painless
- panda
- paper
- parallel
- part
- partner
- parts
- peaceful
- pedal
- people
- pillow
- pissed
- place
- played
- playful
- playing
- pleasurable
- po
- pocket
- pop
- potential
- potentially
- power
- predator
- pregnancy
- probe
- procedure
- process
- prove
- psychophysiology
- put
- rat
- read
- ready
- reasons
- reflects
- relaxed
- relevant
- research
- researchers
- response
- responses
- rest
- safe
- sat
- satin
- savvy
- science
- scroll
- secret
- semester
- sends
- sensation
- sensitive
- sex
- sexual
- sexuality
- sexually
- sexy
- shiny
- shoehorned
- shortly
- signal
- silent
- simple
- slow
- smell
- smells
- smith
- sociology
- sort
- sound
- spa
- special
- specific
- specifically
- spend
- stand
- start
- starts
- state
- stimulation
- strategies
- stress
- struggle
- struggling
- students
- stuff
- support
- talk
- talking
- talks
- tassels
- taste
- taught
- teacher
- tears
- ted
- tells
- threat
- threatened
- tickle
- tickling
- time
- today
- tolerate
- touch
- true
- trust
- turn
- turned
- turning
- turns
- understand
- unlock
- unlocked
- unlocking
- unwanted
- vary
- volumes
- wait
- walk
- walking
- weird
- wisdom
- work
- world
- worried
- worst
- write
- written
- wrote
- zap